So here we are, delving back into the year of 1996, to have a look at some classic wrestling of the age, and what a time to be alive. The Monday Night Wars were in full swing; WCW was dominating the ratings beginning in July (and would continue to beat the WWF in the ratings until April of 1998), the WWF was beginning a slow financial decline, and they were getting desperate. Here, we have the WWF’s top stars being Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, The Undertaker, Vader, and Sycho Sid. But there was a star on the rise; his name was none other than “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. Austin had recently won the King of the Ring. We’ll see the beginning of his rise.
The show starts off with a promo package for Shawn Michaels vs. Steve Austin in the main event of tonight’s Monday Night RAW. I believe this is either their first or second encounter against one another, and it’s a pretty good main event hype package. Unfortunately it won’t do enough to tune in viewers from World Championship Wrestling’s Monday Nitro. We get Kevin Kelly and Jim Ross on commentary. Immediately we’re off with Vader and Jim Cornette. They mention that Vader will face off against Sycho Sid at In Your House: Buried Alive.
Vader w/ Jim Cornette vs. Phineas I. Godwinn w/ Hillbilly Jim
Yeesh. Big brawly match, but Vader carries the match tremendously well. On commentary, JR is beefing with Vince. This of course was during JR’s heel turn. JR even mentions producer Kevin Dunn by name. And if you know me very well, I absolutely hate Kevin Dunn with a passion. The man is killing wrestling today with his terrible brand of “cinematography”. Vader is working… snugly, let’s say. Sycho Sid comes out to distract and jaw jack with Vader. It works, for a second. Phineas Godwinn gets ahead a little bit, terribly. He almost hits the Reverse DDT, known as the Slop Drop. Vader holds the rope, causing Phineas to hit the floor hard. Vader hits the Vader Bomb for the victory. It was… a match. Best I can say, really.
After the break, Jim Ross introduces a Minnesota great, “Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig. Mr. Perfect has been feuding with Hunter Hearst Helmsley (later-to-be Triple H). Perfect says there’s only one Mr. Perfect, and that’s him. Ross asks him if he’s ready to go. Perfect says he’s never backed down from a challenge, and he’s ready to wrestle anytime, anywhere. He cuts a pretty good promo; dare I say… a perfect promo.
We come back to see Jerry Lawler disparaging Jake “The Snake” Roberts. The story thus far is that Jerry “The King” Lawler continues to call Jake Roberts a drunkard and other insults. Which is based entirely in reality, because Jake Roberts has a history before, and after this, of abusing and being addicted to drugs. Thankfully Roberts became permanently drug-free in 2013 thanks to the help of Diamond Dallas Page.
Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler
Out comes Jake Roberts, who “appears” drunk… much to Lawler’s delight. This uh… this was a much different time in 1996. But it was all a ploy! Roberts bamboozled Lawler and slams him with the DDT for the easy victory! A quick match, but honestly, kinda funny. Lawler gets fooled, Roberts outplays “The King” and gets some much needed revenge. After the match, Jake Roberts pours a bottle of “whisky” all over the face of Jerry Lawler, and the snake follows after.
Up next is “The Real Double J”, talking about his falling out with Jeff Jarrett (who went to WCW earlier this year). This was a very silly attempt to get Jesse James (in about a year-to-be the Road Dogg) over with the fans and a way to bury Jeff Jarrett. It obviously doesn’t work, and I don’t care for it watching back on it in 2020. Basic story is that “The Real Double J” is the real singer to Jeff Jarrett’s supposed single “With My Baby Tonight”. We get a sneak peak of Jesse James talking about his time in Desert Storm (which is real, Brian Armstrong served in the US military and was a part of Operation Desert Storm).
Freddie Joe Floyd vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/ his valet
Our next match is between Freddie Joe Floyd (the recently deceased Tracy Smothers, rest in peace), and Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Before the match starts, Helmsley handcuffs his lady to the ropes. Nothing says a confident man like handcuffing a woman, eh? In kayfabe, it’s because Mr. Perfect continually steals Hunter’s women and thus Hunter is trying to prevent that from happening. It’s a pretty good match all things considered, although after both Vader vs. Godwinn and Lawler vs. Roberts, my expectations must be lowered. Floyd controls the early match, but a flying knee turns the match around in the mid-point.
It would be apt to say that Triple H is still not great at this time in his career. I would admittedly say that Hunter would get good around mid-1997 or so. So anyways, Mr. Perfect comes down to ring-side to talk to the hand-cuffed lady. It manages to not only distract Hunter, but Perfect also has a key to the cuffs! He is, of course, perfect. Hunter hits the Pedigree, which… Floyd kicks out from? Huh. Hunter is too distracted and goes after Perfect, who turns around and waylays him with a big right hand. Down goes Hunter! Down goes Hunter! Down goes Hunter! Hunter gets counted out and somehow the jobber gets the count-out victory over Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
We cut backstage to “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, who has a message for both Bret “Hitman” Hart and the “Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels. He says that since Hitman wasn’t enough of a man to face Stone Cold (Austin had challenged , he’s gonna whoop Shawn Michaels a** (for reference, Shawn Michaels beat Bret Hart for the WWF Championship at WrestleMania XII). Let me just say, this is still when Austin was a heel, but he’s so clearly a babyface in waiting. His character is consistent as well– he hates everyone and works alone. This is one of the biggest superstars in wrestling history, folks.
After the commercial break (which also hypes up Mr. Perfect vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley for next week’s RAW), Sunny comes out. She hypes herself up, and I cannot blame her. While Tammy Sytch has fallen on some majorly hard times in the 21st Century, Sunny in 1996 was great. She was beautiful, gorgeous, and knew how to play a b***h. This promo had nothing to do with anything, it was just Sunny hyping Sunny. Enough said.
We got a pre-taped promo from Mankind following Sunny’s thing.He and Paul Bearer (who turned against the Undertaker at SummerSlam) sit next to a giant hole in a rainy cemetery. Mankind declares that it will not be his body that fills this hole, but that of the Undertaker. Mankind also says that he has a vision of Taker clawing through the earth looking for friendship, but finding none. For reference, Taker and Mankind had been feuding all throughout the year of 1996. Paul Bearer declares that Taker will rest in peace. Good lord what a promo.
After that promo we have Sunny actually joining the commentary booth and flirting with Kevin Kelly; when Sunny asks how much Kelly makes, and finds out he only does “okay”, she immediately switches lanes. What an absolute b***h.
Farooq Assad vs. Alex Porteau
Up next we get a squash match between Farooq, otherwise known as Ron Simmons, and Alex Porteau, a jabroni. Poor Farooq has some of the worst ring-gear I have ever seen in my life. How in God’s name did Vince McMahon think that powder blue was a good color for a three time All-American football player and former WCW World Champion? Good lord. Farooq just manhandles this poor guy, by the way. Alex Porteau just doesn’t even stand a chance. They are hyping up Farooq vs. Marc Mero for the Intercontinental Championship at In Your House: Buried Alive. Farooq wins and Sunny hypes him up.
After the match, we get a recap of events that happened on WWF Livewire (which for reference, was a sort of call-in show that the WWF hosted where wrestlers could interact with fans via phone calls, or even other wrestlers). We get Ahmed Johnson and Farooq going at it over the phone. These two were feuding at the time as well. They are against each other, and talk about how they have similar backgrounds. Farooq has a parting shot regarding Ahmed’s other kidney; that has to do with Farooq accidentally giving Ahmed a lacerated kidney when Farooq first attacked Johnson. Pretty good stuff, I suppose. It of course leads to the never-ending feud of Farooq and Ahmed Johnson that we’ll see in 1997.
We get another pre-taped promo, this time from The Undertaker. He stands in the same graveyard, this time without the rain. Taker says that the rain has stopped, but that it’s the quiet before the real storm; he mentions that every-time Mankind escaped his “purple fists” (in reference to his gloves), Mankind became more powerful, but more evil. Taker says he has no choice. He must be the judge, jury, and executioner for Mankind. He will do what it takes, even if it means destroying himself.
“Stone Cold” Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels w/ Jose Lothario
What a main event. Steve Austin at this point in his career is one of the most underrated technical wrestlers, and Shawn Michaels is one of the greatest in-ring performers of all-time. These two have themselves a great, short match. It is intercut with a promo by Vader and Jim Cornette, who are looking to get another title match against Shawn Michaels at Survivor Series; they first have to beat Sycho Sid though. Sycho Sid also has a small promo, and he completely talks about Vader; he does mention that he’s the master and ruler of the world. I don’t know about you, but Sid is the master and ruler of my heart. I love this guy even if he can’t wrestle worth s***.
Both Austin and Shawn tease their finishers, the Stunner and Sweet Chin Music respectively, but fail to hit them. The match ends in a DQ when Vader comes out and attacks Shawn. I totally get it; it protects Austin from having to eat the pin, and it keeps Shawn from having to lose. Out comes Savio Vega (who’s been feuding with Austin on and off all year), and Sycho Sid, and we get ourselves a big schmoz. Then out comes fake Razor Ramon and fake Diesel (a massive can of worms; Scott Hall and Kevin Nash left WWF for WCW to form the nWo, and WWF decided to keep their ring-names and put new people behind it). It’s all an entirely confusing mess. Long story short, Austin throws Shawn into Sid, and the two of them get into an argument. We go off the air with more fighting.
Overall, the show was okay. It had a few neat moments here and there, but nothing to write home about outside of Mr. Perfect clocking Hunter, Roberts bamboozling Lawler, and some awesome moments in the short Austin vs. Michaels main event. For a go home show hyping up a Pay-Per-View, it’s what it is. Tune in next time for In Your House: Buried Alive!